mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
