I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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