Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
