too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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