I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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