i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
