he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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