woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
