i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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