Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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