his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
