I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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