I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
