im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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