There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
