remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
