Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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