i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
