maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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