When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
