I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Enjoy the penises
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
