The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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