I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
