Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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