He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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