I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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