Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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