I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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