Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
