I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
