That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
