Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
