Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
