Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love having hate sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
