You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
