Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
