Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm too high and old for this...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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