i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
