There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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