just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize