And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
