I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize