I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize