I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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