tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
