Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
