when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize