i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
