my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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