if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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