Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
