I seem to have left my pride at pride
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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