I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize