I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
