mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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