batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
