HIV tests are more positive than that guy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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