but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
