I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
3 2 1 whiskey
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
