a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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