Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Found the puke drawer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
