He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
