dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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