You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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