six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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