Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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