Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
