just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
