this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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