so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
